Betrayal, trickery, deceit, manipulation, grooming, and gaslighting, are usually a part of interpersonal abuse and the source of hypervigilance and distrust thereafter. When a person becomes exceedingly watchful for the “next shoe to fall” they noticeably vibrate with anxiety. In its most obvious form this can be seen as nervous shaking or, more misleadingly, as giggling laughter when nothing funny is happening.
Betrayals give rise to fearfulness, particularly regarding intimate interactions. Paradoxically, duplicity can cause people to trust too easily or to become very socially cautious and distrustful. The former may be a dangerous attempt to quickly find someone, anyone, who offers care, love, security, advocacy, and protection. The latter reaction is when ideas of basic human goodness go out the window and social avoidance becomes the “solution.” Consequently, with a core need for safety, some victims will become social isolates and resultantly, very lonely.
Many victims will overgeneralize and cynically question social institutions and authority figures, caustically calling them out. It is a way of fighting back. They may second-guess most everyone’s motives, pre-supposing ill-intent, and pick up on signs of danger that most of us miss. When not constantly distracted, most of us have a “go-to” spot in our brains called the default mode network (DMN) where doubt is always the operative thought pattern. For someone traumatized by cruel betrayals, a lot of ruminative time is spent in the DMN.
Truth is sought and becomes valued, overvalued for some, and often never quite attainable. For safety, sometimes victims will withhold information about themselves – their own central truths – as such revelations leave them feeling vulnerable. They may need more and more information, truths and deeper truths about someone before they can begin to trust them, however, they are often reticent to lead with comparable transparency.
Another danger of distrustfulness is the search for certainty in social movements, gurus, or fundamentalist religions. Yet, certainty is often a form of mental rigidity that further sucks the life, creativity, imagination, intuitiveness, and aliveness out of people. Looking for an external source of certitude that is confidently disseminated can dangerously cause some people to blindly trust the purveyor of exploitive vices. The attempt to find a solution, like a pendulum, can swing too far in the opposite direction and one can find themselves abused again.
Being an empathogen – a relational medicine – that is MDMA’s chemical expertise when guided by an experienced psychotherapist. And with the activation of oxytocin, it assists in restoring relationships but not in a careless way. The clarity or lucidity that comes with its sacred ceremonial use helps victims discern who can be trusted and who should be avoided. In fact, the ability to trust in safe and healthy ways is restored for the majority of patients who experience this medicine.
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“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”
- Albert Einstein